Day 4 of 30: Write 15 Minutes of Absurdity

It’s Day 4 of this 30-day writing challenge.  I feel like making fun of something today – can you guess what it is?  Here goes:

“I know that place,” Paw Paw pointed to a shop called “Big Bucks” on the mall directory.  “You should be safe over there.  Stay there until I come for you, Charlie.”  I nodded and we walked in opposite directions.

I found the place that he was talking about at the other end of the mall.  My stomach growled as I walked inside.  I hadn’t eaten for several hours and something smelled really good.  When I approached the counter, I nearly drooled at the sight of all of those pastries in the display case.  Paw Paw and I were running away from demons, but surely we had enough time for a snack?  As I leaned over, trying to decide what I wanted, I heard a voice.

“Hi, welcome to Big Bucks.  Can I take your order?”  A dark-haired girl about my age looked at me expectantly.  Her name tag said “Kelli.”

“Uh,” I stammered.  My mind went blank as I looked into her large, golden eyes.  I ordered the first thing that popped into my head.  “I’ll just have a cup of coffee.”

She studied her nails.  “What size?”

I don’t drink coffee, but it was too late to ask for a pop.  “Uh, small?”

“We don’t have small.”

“You don’t have small,” I repeated.  When she rolled her eyes, I hastened to adjust my order.  “Well, how about a large?”

She shook her head.  “We don’t have large, either.”

Confused, I said.  “Do you sell coffee?”

She scowled at me and placed on hand on her hip.  “Look, I’ve got things to do.  I don’t have time for some loser trying to be a smartass with me.”

I glanced behind me.  There was only one other person in the place and he was sitting in a booth in the back.  “I’m not trying to be a smartass.  I really wanted to know if you sell coffee.”

“Of course we do,” she snapped.  “This is a cafe.  But I need to know what size you want.”

It felt like her eyes were boring a hole in my face.  Flustered, I asked, “What size do you have?”

The girl looked at me with disgust.  She sighed deeply, turned around and pointed to the sign above her head.  “We have fawn, doe, buck and big buck.”

My temples throbbed.  There were pictures of animals on the chalkboard.  I didn’t understand what wildlife had to do with coffee.  “Is the fawn small?”

“It’s smaller than the doe.”

I stared at the blackboard.  She was right.  A fawn is smaller than the doe or the buck.  “I guess I’ll take a fawn?”

The girl pushed a button on her register.  “Regular or skim?”

I didn’t know what she was talking about, but I didn’t want to upset her again.  I wasn’t sure how someone would skim water for making coffee, so I chose the safer option.  “Regular.”

“What type do you want?”

“Coffee,” I said confidently.

Kelli frowned at me.  It was obvious that I answered incorrectly.  She waved at the board behind her.  “All of this is coffee.  Pick which type you want.”

At my confused look, Kelli sighed deeply again.  “I’ll decide for you.  How about a latte?”

“That sounds good,” I said, smiling gratefully at her.

She avoided my gaze and pushed more buttons on the register.  “Will that be all?”

I suddenly remembered how drained Paw Paw looked.  “I’d like a pop.”

“We don’t have pop,” Kelli said.  Her shoulders slumped.  “We have italian soda.”

Before I could respond, I felt someone behind me.  The throbbing in my temples intensified.  Before I could turn around, my muscles tensed into rigidity.

Kelli’s golden eyes widened.  I couldn’t turn around to see who had driven the contempt from her eyes.  They were filled with fear.

“Hello, Shivani,” a deep voice said.  I felt a chill down my spine.  “I’ve been looking for you for a very long time.”