Four Things To Consider Before Self-Publishing

Last year, at a writer’s conference, most of the people I encountered had a very negative attitude towards self-publishing.  “Ugh.  Self-publishing.  Only loser writers who write crappy books would do that.”  I admit that I didn’t want to self-publish because of this stigma.  But that was before I stumbled across a book called Wool this year.

For those of you who haven’t read this book yet, it’s a fascinating story about a post-apocalyptic society that lives in underground silos.  The author’s name is Hugh Howey.  His amazing success has turned him into the poster child for self-publishing.

As a business person, I am completely intrigued by Howey’s success.  It would make a great case study for a business school.  Howey developed a great product (a novella), priced it at $0.99, and then released it directly to customers through Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing.  Then he just sat back and waited while pure market forces took control.  Sure enough, over time, Wool gathered steam on Amazon.  In fact, it gathered so much steam, that Howey was prompted to write more installments for this series.  He eventually sold enough books to quit his day job and focus entirely on writing.

This is every new writer’s dream come true.  If this is what happens when an author self-publishes, please sign me up!  But wait a second.  Before all of us stampede over to Amazon and unleash our precious works of art on the masses, here are a few things we should consider:  (The 4 P’s, if you’re a marketing person.)

PRODUCT:  Obviously, your story has to be really good.  Like, really, really good.  No one will buy a bad product.  But from a marketing perspective, the product should satisfy a customer’s need.  So what need did Howey satisfy for his readers?  Well, if you’re a writer, then you’re a reader.  What are YOUR needs as a reader?  I think that Howey just wrote a story that he himself wanted to read.  Fortunately for him, there were many readers who shared his interests.  So satisfy your own needs as a reader and trust that on a planet with 7 billion people, there are other readers who will share your interests.

PRICING:  This is an interesting dilemma.  So many authors are using the free/$0.99 strategy to get their books into circulation that they may be sabotaging themselves.  Customers buy stacks of ebooks and let them sit unread on their Kindles.  Now, I don’t know about you, but for me, I don’t want people to just buy a book I wrote.  I actually want them to READ IT.  So, I’m not sure that the free/$0.99 strategy is something I would pursue for all of my content.  HOWEVER, I do think that an unproven author will have to give away some content for free.  But how much?  One chapter?  Two chapters?  The entire first book in a series?  I think it depends on how many books you’ve written.  Howey essentially gave away the first installment in his Wool series and then raised the price in subsequent installments.  This may be the path I pursue, depending on what my finished product (book) is.

PROMOTION:  Let’s get this out in the open.  The dream for any undiscovered author is for his or her book to go viral.  So how does that happen?  I wish I knew the answer to that question.  But I can tell you how it will NOT happen.  By pestering people to buy your book.

No one wants to be pressured into buying something.  How do you feel when someone tries to push a product on you through Facebook or other social media channel?  If you’re trying to sell your book, you probably don’t want to irritate a potential customer.

The most enthusiastic customers find the products that they want on their own.  I think as new authors, we have to send our best efforts out into the universe and then let the readers find us.  This is where I really think “magic” happened for Hugh Howey.  His stories were aimed at entertaining himself, his friends and his family.  Any readers who stumbled across his book were pure gravy.  Obviously, now he’s swimming in a boatload of gravy.

Believe me, this is easier said than done for a control freak like myself!  But I think when you focus all of your energy on selling your book, it takes away energy from actually WRITING your book.  So I’ve been trying to tell myself to trust the universe.  Once I write the book, my readers will find me.  And they’ll find you too.

PLACE:  In marketing, this is really about distribution.  How does a reader gain access your book?  I know this will seem as if I’m contradicting what I said above, but hear me out.  I still think we have to trust that our readers will find us.  But as new authors, we also have to make it as easy as possible for them to find our books.

In Howey’s case, the place was Amazon.  He self-published his first novella in July 2011 and kept on writing other stories.  By October, he noticed that sales of Wool surpassed anything else he had written.  Howey quickly wrote and released four more installments for this series.

So how does this apply to us as new authors?  I know that I have to retrain my middle-aged brain to reevaluate what I consider the optimal location to sell my book.  I have to replace “shelf space” at a bookstore with “footprint” on the web.  And in a cluttered cyberworld, that means creating a series of works instead of just one.  The more works you have, the larger the footprint you’ll have on the web, and the more likely it is that readers will find your work.

TO MY FELLOW WRITERS:  So, that brings me back to the dilemma many of you may face as authors.  The publishing world is changing.  Has the stigma of self-publishing changed too?  Have you self-published your book or are you considering it?  Do you have any helpful suggestions for other new authors out there who are still swirling in this new publishing world?  Please share your thoughts!  I would love to hear them!   

A Lesson Learned About Blogging

Over the weekend, I finally had time to go through the Kissmetrics data about the ideal time to post something on a blog.  (NOTE:  You can click on the link above if you want to look at the data yourself.  Maybe you’ll have better luck with it than I did.)

According to the Kissmetric data, the average blog receives the most traffic as follows:

Day of the Week:  Monday 

Time of Day:  11 A.M.

Aha!  I’ve finally uncovered the magical posting time, I thought gleefully.  I should post my latest story at this time.  They’ll come to me in droves.  Woo-hoo!

So, I did.  And what were the results, you ask?

NOTHING.  ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.  JUST MORE CRICKETS CHIRPING.

Hours later, when I was able to jump back on-line, I was horrified to realize that I had just sent my story out into the blogosphere to die a horrible death.  It was gruesome.  In four hours, I received only one view from a nice lady who probably took pity on me.  (You know who you are….Thank you!)

I’ve never only received one view on a post.  Even on my very first post, when I didn’t understand the importance of tagging for key words, I received more than one view.  So, while I don’t claim that this story was the most spectacular thing in the universe, I do think it warranted more than one lonely view from a nice lady.

After picking myself off the floor and scrambling to recover the body of my poor little story from the WordPress feed, I tried to figure out where I went wrong.  I noticed that my story was crushed under the weight of hundreds of other posts.  It was so far downstream in the feed that even after scrolling for ten minutes, I still couldn’t find it on my screen.  I had to use special means to extract it.

Here are my thoughts on what may have gone wrong.  I hope you other bloggers can save yourself from the same utter humiliation and despair:

CONTENT TYPE

Most of the blog content that I’ve encountered falls into one of two categories:  educational or entertainmentSome blogs are admittedly a fantastic hybrid of the two, but I’m trying to make things simple right now.  Let’s just assume for the sake of this discussion that most blog posts fall into one of these two categories.

The story I posted earlier this morning would definitely fall under the “entertainment” category.  I wasn’t trying to teach or inform my readers.  It wasn’t a news story or an essay on how to be a better writer (or blogger).  It was a story about a bridesmaid who had fallen in love with a groomsman.  Some people may argue that studying other authors helps them to improve their writing and that’s great.  But I’m not a Pulitzer Prize winning author.  I don’t claim to possess an ability to teach through my storytelling.  I just wanted to entertain my readers with this story’s content.  So I’m sticking to my guns and calling my stories entertainment.

I would consider this essay about blogging “educational” content since this information may actually help out another blogger.

POSTING TIME

Let’s talk about the demographics of blog readers.  I don’t have data to support this, but please hear me out on my thoughts.  I think certain groups of people visit blogs at certain times of the day.  For example, let’s call people in the office “Enterprise Users” and people at home “Leisure Users.”  (NOTE:  The two groups of users may actually contain the same people.  For example, John would be considered an enterprise user while he’s at the office.  But once he’s at home, John becomes a leisure user.)

Let’s assume that these two groups of people search for two different types of content.  Obviously, there may be some overlap, but to keep it simple, let’s keep the two types of content searches separate.  I know that when I used to work for a Fortune 500 company, I wasn’t allowed to visit entertainment websites.  I could only search for content on professional sites.  Under this assumption, when John is at work, he will only visit a blog if he’s searching for content that will help him out in his profession.  In other words, educational content.  If his company has a more lenient policy, John may get to visit entertainment blogs during his breaks.

When John goes home, he may have a hobby.  Maybe he’s a writer or a photographer.  During the evening, he may go on-line and visit an educational blog about his hobby.  Or he may visit an entertainment blog to get the latest dirt on the next Kardashian train wreck.

LESSON LEARNED:  MATCH CONTENT TYPE WITH THE APPROPRIATE POSTING TIME

The bottom line is that it is important to align your content type with the appropriate time of day.  I think that my mistake was posting “entertainment” content during the time of day when most people are searching for “educational” content.  It was at 11 A.M. on a Monday morning.  People are trying to catch up after being away from the office during the weekend.  Even at lunch time, there may not be much time for perusing “entertainment” content.

So, what are your thoughts?  Have you discovered the magical posting hour for your content?  I think I’m going to try re-blogging my story again in the evening.  I hope to target as many “leisure” users as I can.  Hopefully, I’ll hear more than crickets chirping this time, so stay tuned….  I’ll keep sharing what I learn from my mistakes.  Happy Blogging!

Things To Consider When Creating Your Blog

I wanted to jot down a few things (in less than 900 words!) that I’ve been considering as I develop my blog.  I hope that some of my “stream of consciousness” thoughts help out some of you other bloggers too.

CONTENT

Why do you read someone’s blog?  And what makes you return to one blog more than once, but never return to another blog after the first visit?  It boils down to value creation.  You’re getting something of VALUE from the blog that you continually visit.  Most of the blogs that I’ve come across offer value in one of two forms:  Education or Entertainment.  The best blogs offer some magical combination of the two.

Let me be perfectly honest.  I’m an aspiring writer who is also a stay at home mother to two small children.  I don’t have a lot of time to write, much less read blogs.  So when I do get 10-15 minutes to jump on-line, I want to make every second count.  That being said, I am more inclined to spend my precious time visiting a blog that teaches me something about the craft of writing in an EFFICIENT manner.

All of us are busy.  All of us are juggling work, family, school, etc. and trying to squeeze in writing.  But blogging is the ultimate test of the “Law of Attraction.”  You have to give something to receive something.  So, what does your blog offer to the people who were nice enough to visit your site?  What can they take away that will help them on their journey?  What will keep them coming back for more?  Offer them something of value.

TARGET

Some authors and writers may scoff at what I’m about to say.  They may say that great storytelling transcends contrived genres.  Well, for some authors, that may be true.  But I don’t claim to be J.K. Rowling.  I want to increase the odds that my content will fall into the hands of someone who will actually care about reading it.

Let’s just say, for the sake of argument, that you’re a fantastic chef.  You have created a health food blog with simple recipes.  Anyone who can pick up a spoon and stir could easily replicate your delicious concoctions in the kitchen.  But you send these recipes to a forum of 100 fast food junkies.  Do you really think anyone who dines out all the time, especially at a fast food restaurant, will follow your blog?  I’ll be honest.  I’m the leader of that fast food forum.  Your kale smoothie may be awesome, and your healthy friends may love it, but there’s no way in hell that a take-out queen like me will ever make that in my kitchen.

It’s all about targeting.  Make sure you have the right target audience for your great content, otherwise your blog is destined to generate nothing more than crickets chirping.

DELIVERY

So, you have awesome content and you know who you want to target.  That’s great, but how do you connect the two?  How do you deliver great content into the laps of your target audience?  I touched on this a little in a previous post, so bear with me if some of this is repetitive.

Post Timing:   Study the analytics that WordPress offers and make sure you understand when your blog is receiving the most views.  Is it Monday morning at 9 A.M. or Wednesday night at 10 P.M.?  Posting your content at the wrong time could mean that you send it out to die.  If you are brand new to blogging, as I am, try experimenting.  I am currently playing around with the timing of my posts, which is why some of you following my site may be subjected to spam.  (Sorry!)  There’s a website called Kissmetrics that helps companies time their corporate blogs.  A personal blog will be slightly different, but I think the data on Kissmetrics is a good place to start.

Post Frequency:  Most people just post their content once and then forget about it.  Big mistake.  Do you think Coca-Cola is just putting their commercials on television just once?  I don’t think so.  While you don’t want to annoy people with spam, you also don’t want to just post a great essay once and forget about it.

I’m not suggesting that you spam the WordPress Reader every day, with every single thing you post.  No one cares about what you had for breakfast or how the sunlight hits the leaves on the tree outside your window.  Pick something that you are proud of writing, that offers value to your readers or that will emotionally resonate with the widest audience.  Post it two times during a 24-hour period – maybe once in the morning and once in the evening.  This will also help you to determine your target audience.  Are people reading your content at work or at home?  The time of day and day of the week will guide you.  If everything that you’re posting is getting read on the weekend, then that’s when you need to post your content.

Post Tagging:  One last thing!  Make sure you don’t forget to tag your content properly!!  You will find a category called “Tags and Categories” on the left side of your draft post.  A tag enables search engines to highlight your essay if the search is for a subject that you are discussing.  For example, if you are writing about blogging, make sure the word “blog” is tagged!  I also use “writing,” “journal,” and “mama” as tags anytime I post something.  People will never find your content if they can’t search for it properly.

Well, I just crossed 950 words, so I’m going to sign off here for now.  Best wishes to all of you!  Keep on blogging!

I Am The Daughter Of Foreigners

On the day I went to the Secretary of State’s office to renew my driver’s license, the room was packed with people.  I took a number and then chose the first vacant seat that I saw in the waiting area.  Most people in the room were visibly unhappy about the wait.  An older couple sitting across the aisle two rows in front of me was very vocal about it.  Their loud complaints about the “lazy” and “incompetent” people behind the counter were annoying.  I tried to tune them out by reading a book, but after a few minutes, I put the book down and glanced at them.  The man was leaning over and complaining bitterly to a woman who I assume was his wife.  The woman was in a wheelchair.

In that moment, they reminded me of my own parents.  Not because of the complaining, but because of their postures.  My father used to lean over and speak quietly to my mother during her time in a wheelchair.  Waiting at the doctor’s office in a wheelchair for her appointments had been grueling for her.

I felt a pang of sympathy for the older couple.  I wasn’t in any hurry.  My husband was watching our two small children at home.  If anything, the alone time was like a vacation for me.  So, I walked up to the older couple and offered them my place ahead of them in line.  They didn’t thank me.  The man just snatched the ticket out of my hand and threw his ticket at me.  As I walked back to my seat, they continued to loudly complain about the people who were working behind the counters.

I just shrugged off their discourtesy and went back to my book.  And that’s when it happened.

“How many of them do you think are foreign?” The woman asked.

The man glanced at the five women behind the counters.  “Two.”

The woman shook her head.  “No, the one in front of us is just black.”

“What about that other one?”  The man pointed to the lady with dark hair and an olive complexion on our right.

The woman nodded in agreement.  “She looks foreign.”

“Yeah,” the man snorted.  “She probably doesn’t even speak any English.”

“That’s why the line is so slow.  She can’t help anyone,” the woman shook her head with disgust.  “She’s incompetent.”

“Why do they keep hiring these lazy foreigners?”  The man scowled in her direction.  “They should get someone who can speak English,” he stated loudly.

A woman sitting directly across the aisle from me looked at me, eyes wide.  We both exchanged horrified glances.  The couple continued their racist tirade, completely oblivious to the apparent distress on the “ethnic” faces of the people in the room.  When I thought about my own “foreign” parents, something inside me snapped.

Oh, HELL NO.

I thought about my father and his solitary struggles as a young foreigner in a strange new country.  On good days, he had a can of soup to eat or a kind friend would invite him over for dinner.  On the bad days, he went hungry.  He worked on the assembly line and bussed tables to put himself through school.  My father ultimately acquired three degrees and became a university career counselor who helped students find jobs after graduation.

I thought about my mother leaving everything she had ever known and loved in India to come to this country after marrying my father.  An angry woman welcomed my beautiful mother to New York City by calling her an “ugly foreigner” and trying to spit on her.  My mother struggled to balance raising two children, managing our household, working and going to school for two degrees.  She ultimately became a clinical psychologist who helped the mentally ill.

I thought about my parents, younger sister and me living in a cramped 900 sq ft townhouse in a low-income neighborhood.  I remember wearing the ill-fitting clothes my mother made by hand instead of the designer clothes my friends bought at the store.  There were so many toys that I couldn’t have because we were saving our money for a small home in a neighborhood with a good school district.  After a decade of saving, we moved.

I thought about the summer days when I studied while my friends played outside.  My father gave me his own version of math homework that put me years ahead of my classmates.  When I complained, he reminded me that a good education was my ticket to better things.  I ultimately graduated with a bachelor’s degree in chemical engineering and went on to acquire a master’s degree in mechanical engineering and an MBA.  My younger sister also has two engineering degrees.  Both of us worked as engineers in the automotive industry.

I thought about all of the struggles and the sacrifices that my foreign parents made for their U.S.-born children and I got mad.  Very, very mad.

I sprang from my seat and walked towards the couple.  The man stopped complaining for a moment to look at me.  I stared him right in the eye, trembling with rage.  The people behind him stopped talking and stared at me.  I wanted to scream at him, but the only thing I could coherently get out was, “I’m the daughter of foreigners and I just tried to help you.”  I snatched the ticket out of the man’s hand and snapped, “Maybe you’ll remember that the next time you want to spout off about foreigners.”

I turned around and stomped back to my seat.  The couple remained silent.  They were still waiting quietly in their seats when I was called up to the counter.  A “non-foreign” lady behind the counter smiled and thanked me.  Needless to say, she waived my driver’s license fee that day.  She said it was on her.

My Three Revelations About Storytelling

I’m starting to realize a few things about writing and storytelling that I wanted to share in this post:

Writing vs. Storytelling

There’s a difference between being a good writer and a good storyteller.  I used to believe that the two were always interlinked, but recent book successes (cough, cough, 50 Shades of Grey, cough, cough), have proven otherwise.  I haven’t read Fifty Shades.  The subject matter doesn’t interest me, but I do admit that I was intrigued enough by the hype to read a preview of this book on Amazon.  I couldn’t get past the first few pages without growing irritated.  Why on earth is this book selling?  The 1-star reviews on Amazon were written more eloquently than the book itself.  (Plus, they were hysterical.)

But, obviously, the international sales figures for this book speak volumes, so who am I to judge?  E.L. James did something right.  If you can look past the questionable writing and subject matter, which I admit was difficult for me to do, she’s a genius when it comes to connecting with her audience.  Readers identify with her characters.  There are plenty of well-written books gathering dust on the shelves of libraries and bookstores across the nation.  I have to give credit where it’s due.  E. L. James is a phenomenal storyteller and I can learn a lot from her.

Scene Construction

My last post on this blog, I Am The Daughter Of Foreigners, received the most response.  People actually read it and sent me positive comments.  That’s huge compared with the crickets chirping after some of my other posts.  So, I’m scratching my head trying to figure out what I did differently on this one so that I can replicate it in future posts.

The bottom line is that I focused on the story.  I wrote for myself.  I had a clear picture of the scene in my head, since I actually lived it.  This post took all of 15 minutes to write.  I spent another 45 minutes polishing it, which included walking away from it and returning to it a few times.  But that post almost wrote itself.

When I went back to analyze it, I noted a few points about how I constructed the scene:

1.  Title:  A few friends told me that they stopped to read it because of the title.

2.  Setup:  The first paragraph setup the story at the Secretary of State’s office and introduced the main characters.

3.  Framing:  I didn’t start the scene too early and I didn’t drag the story on for too long.  I got to the point.

4.  Conflict:  There was an obvious confrontation between me (the Protagonist) and the older couple (the Antagonist).

5.  Resolution:  The “story” had an emotionally satisfying conclusion.  “Justice” was served.

6.  Emotional Premise:  The “racism/immigration” theme of this post would make most anyone’s blood boil.

7.  Information Exposition:  I knew the point that I wanted to make with this post without even thinking about it.

I’m not sure if I can replicate this each time I post something.  Every day of my life isn’t a conflict (thank goodness!).  But I think the takeaway from this is to have a clear picture in your head of the scene and the point that you want to make before writing it.

Selling A Book Will Be Harder Than Publishing A Book

Okay.  Let me be up front about this.  I don’t have a finished manuscript.  I’m nowhere near publication.  But only two months into this blog, I’m starting to realize that it’s hard to get people to read what you write.  There’s so much noise.  How does a person cut through all of that?

As challenging as writing a book is, publication is harder.  As hard as publishing a book will be, selling it is the ultimate challenge.  If I can’t get people to read the FREE content on a 900-word blog, how will I get people PAY MONEY and read 300 pages in a book?  (NOTE:  The assumption is that the free content on a blog is technically well-written and emotionally evocative.  That’s the minimum requirement in this market, and I’m still learning the craft.)

Let’s assume that I’ve written the next Harry Potter book and that it’s been published.  (I know that this is arrogant, but hear me out.)  So what’s the next step?  How do you get readers to actually look between the covers of this supposed jewel if you’re an unknown author?  How did J.K. Rowling, who had her struggles getting HP published, get people to read her book before she became a writing legend?  At some point, no one knew who she was.  How did she break through the barriers to entry?

I’m an engineer.  I like to figure out puzzles and to me, this is the ultimate marketing puzzle.  I will definitely share any insights that I uncover, so stay tuned!  Happy Selling!

Five Ways Karma Changed Me Since Becoming A Mom

A Writing Mama's Journal

Karma has it in for me.  You may not believe me, but it’s true. Since becoming a mother, I’m doing all sorts of things that I swore I would never do. Here are just a few examples of how Karma smacked me back to humble reality:

I never thought I could forget my purchases at the store.    

Last week, I officially lost my mind. I arrived at this conclusion when I nearly pulled out of the grocery store parking lot without my groceries. The teenager behind the customer service counter looked at me with pity when I rushed back inside the store and explained what happened. “Well, it could be worse,” the girl tried to console me, as she handed me my groceries. “At least you didn’t forget your baby in the store.”

Is this my future? Forgetting my children in public places? As I walked out of the…

View original post 1,103 more words

Post 14: My Moral Dilemma About A Child Left Alone In The Car

To the lady who left her son alone in the car,

I don’t know you. I only know that I was angry when I saw your little boy alone in the blue minivan that was parked next to mine this morning.

At first, I didn’t even realize that he was there. I had just dropped off my four-year old son at summer camp. It’s his third day of camp with a new group of kids and he’s still adjusting. So when I walked back to the parking lot, pushing my daughter in her stroller, all of my thoughts were with my son.

As I carried my daughter from the stroller to the parking lot, I glanced over my shoulder. I saw a pair of large brown eyes peering at me from inside the blue minivan parked next to ours. I didn’t really think about it. This school is populated with helicopter parents. I assumed that there was an adult in the car with him. I buckled my daughter into her car seat, before closing the sliding door and turning around. And that’s when I realized that the little boy was alone in the blue minivan.

Your little boy looks like he’s close to my son’s age. Maybe one year younger. All of the tinted windows in your van were rolled down 2-3 inches. You obviously know that today is going to be a hot summer day. It was after 9 A.M. when I saw your son. I could already feel the sun beating down on me as I stood between our two minivans.

Your boy was also standing up. He poked his nose out the window. Maybe he was hot. I didn’t know how long he had been left alone in the car, so I asked him, “Where are your mommy and daddy?”

He didn’t answer me. I found it ironic that you’ve probably taught your son not to speak with strangers. I tried again. “Are they inside the school?”

He hesitated, and nodded. “My mommy is in there.”

Slightly relieved, but irritated, I asked one more question. “Is she dropping someone off ?”

He said something I couldn’t quite make out, but I was under the impression that you, Fellow Mommy, were there for the same reason I was. To drop off an older child at camp.

I told your little boy that I would be in the car right next to him if he needed something, and he nodded again. Then I slipped into the driver’s seat of my minivan and turned on the air conditioning for my own daughter. Because it was already getting that warm.

I admit it. I was pissed off at you. Who would leave a little kid unattended in the car like that? He wasn’t even buckled into his car seat. He was climbing over the front seats like a jungle gym. My knee-jerk reaction was to call the school’s security office and let them handle it.

Yeah, it’s hard having more than one kid at pick-up and drop-off time. I get it. It would be a lot easier if I could just leave my one-year old daughter in the car by herself for a few minutes while I drop her four-year old brother off at camp. And I admit that I’ve thought about it during milder weather. But I wouldn’t do that. Because even though the likelihood of something bad happening is small, it still exists. And I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to my daughter the one time I took the easy way out.

But that’s my choice. And this morning, you, Fellow Mommy, made yours.

So there I sat, in judgment of what I should do about your choice. And that’s the core of what bothered me. Why did you put me in this position? I didn’t want to judge you, but I did. I thought that you did something incredibly stupid. I thought that you took an unnecessary risk. I get that you’re tired and you want one thing to be easy in your incredibly difficult day. Believe me, I understand. But this isn’t the thing that you should make easier on yourself. Get fast food for lunch today. Turn on the TV a little longer this afternoon. But, for God’s sake, don’t leave your kid in the car unattended.

Fellow Mommy, I was torn. The easy thing for me to do would have been to just call campus security and wash my hands of this whole situation. But I didn’t want to do that to you. Because what if you’re actually a really great mother?  What if you would normally never do this?  What if today you just felt tired and overwhelmed? What if you were so close to the breaking point that you made this incredibly stupid decision? Do you deserve to have your children taken away from you by the CPS for one stupid decision? Because these days, something like that could happen.

After ten minutes of waiting and watching, I didn’t think so. You don’t deserve to lose your children. But you do need a warning. So I picked up the phone and called the front desk of the school. After explaining the situation, I told the front desk assistant that I didn’t want you, Fellow Mommy, to get in trouble with the authorities.  The school should warn you not to do this again.

While I was speaking with the front desk, you, Fellow Mommy, approached your minivan, quickly got in without a glance in my direction and drove away. I didn’t get the chance to talk with you, but I did report what you looked like.

Should I have minded my own business and just left your little boy alone? Some people may think so, but it didn’t feel right to just drive away. Did I do the wrong thing by not calling the police? I hope not. Only time will tell. I hope that when the school contacts you and gives you a warning, you’ll do better next time.

MY COMMENTS:

This piece was rejected by both Scary Mommy (Rejection #7) and The Mid (Rejection #8).  The lady who rejected it at Scary Mommy called it “thought provoking” but said she didn’t have a place for it.  The person at The Mid just rejected it.  I’m not sure where to go from here.

Post 13: Why I’m Trying To Embrace Rejection

Ah, rejection.  It’s one of the few words that can send chills down the spine of an aspiring writer.  The thought of pouring out my heart onto a piece of paper only to have it be rejected by a stranger via form letter paralyzed me with fear.  Who wants to go through that?  I’m better off waiting until I can write perfectly.  I’m better off waiting until I write the perfect manuscript.

But I’m never going to write perfectly and I’m never going to have the perfect manuscript.  No one can.  Everything about writing is purely subjective, which is why it’s so scary to me.  You just have to pour your heart onto the page and trust that if your writing is meant to reach someone, it will.

Rejection comes with the territory of being a writer.  Even some of the most successful writers were initially rejected.  (Those publishers must be kicking themselves now!).  Take a look at how many times the following authors were rejected before their debut (and ultimately wildly successful) novels were accepted for publication:

L.M. Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables):  5 times

J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter series):  12 times

Stephanie Meyers (Twilight):  14 times

Stephen King (Carrie):  30 times

Margaret Mitchell (Gone with the Wind):  38 times

Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen (Chicken Soup for the Soul):  140 times!!!!!!

Being rejected was like a badge of honor.  After giving myself a pep talk, I finally mustered the courage to submit something at the beginning of May.  But alas, one week later, it was rejected.  So I submitted something else.  And once again, after one week, it was rejected.  I did this four more times.  All of my submissions were rejected.

So from May 4, 2015 to June 25, 2015, I’ve been rejected six times.  Five times by Scary Mommy and one time by Blunt Moms.  I’m not even close to the number of rejections experienced by some of the authors above, but I have to admit that it’s still disheartening.

After that first rejection back in May, I just wanted to crawl into a cave and not even tell anyone that I had even tried.  I have a healthy fear of failure.  I pictured everyone smirking at me and wondering who I thought I was to even try writing.  I’m not a trained writer.  I don’t have an MFA degree.  I’m an engineer who happens to love writing.  I have a lot of nerve to think that I could do this for a living.

And then I thought about it.  In my life, rejections in the corporate world have always led to something better.  Two examples immediately popped into my mind.  I remember being crushed when I didn’t get a job at an assembly plant in 1999, only to get a better job at an assembly plant in 2002.  I remember being crushed when I didn’t get the job I wanted in Volume Planning in 2001 only to get my dream job in Product Planning in 2004.   With that in mind, I now realize that I should actually be grateful for rejection.  It’s a blessing in disguise.  Rejection helps me to stop wasting time on ill-suited endeavors and to focus on pursuing better options.

So now I’ve come around to this bizarre notion that I should actually embrace rejection.  I’ll keep on writing and submitting articles.  If I get rejected, oh well!  At least I can say that I tried.  I might even learn something that will improve my writing.  It’s a lesson that I want to teach my children, but how will they learn it if I give up so quickly?  I’d be setting a pretty lousy example if I just walk away from my dreams after a few rejections.

So, as part of my journey to become a writer, I will embrace my rejections by sharing them on my blog as part of “The Rejection Diaries.”  Someday, when I finally break through the writing barrier to entry, this blog will be a good story for my children.  The more rejections, the better the story.  It will teach them to never give up.  Keep on trying.

Five Ways Karma Changed Me Since Becoming A Mom

Karma has it in for me.  You may not believe me, but it’s true. Since becoming a mother, I’m doing all sorts of things that I swore I would never do. Here are just a few examples of how Karma smacked me back to humble reality:

I never thought I could forget my purchases at the store.    

Last week, I officially lost my mind. I arrived at this conclusion when I nearly pulled out of the grocery store parking lot without my groceries. The teenager behind the customer service counter looked at me with pity when I rushed back inside the store and explained what happened. “Well, it could be worse,” the girl tried to console me, as she handed me my groceries. “At least you didn’t forget your baby in the store.”

Is this my future? Forgetting my children in public places? As I walked out of the store with my groceries in hand, I double-checked the stroller to make sure my daughter was still in there. Before having children, I never would have been this forgetful. In fact, there was a time when I probably mocked people for being this forgetful.

Naturally, I’ve forgotten who I mocked. But Karma doesn’t forget. And she holds a grudge. Consider yourselves warned.

I never thought I’d use a drive-thru window.

I admit it. Once upon a time, I didn’t understand why people used drive-thru windows. If you’re a healthy person, how hard is it to get out of your car, walk from the parking lot to the counter, and place an order in person? The drive-thru window at a local Starbucks was a special source of irritation to me. I would stand at the counter and watch several drive-thru customers get their coffee before I did. Why were most of the baristas catering to the drive-thru customers? Why was Starbucks rewarding sloth?

Obviously, things have changed. Since I tend to leave things behind when I step out of the car, it’s in my children’s best interest that I use drive-thru windows whenever possible. Karma must laugh her ass off at me since my daily routine includes hitting the same Starbucks drive-thru that I used to complain about. At least I haven’t driven off without my coffee.

I never thought I would drive a minivan. 

Let’s face it. There’s nothing sexy about a minivan. A well-endowed topless woman could drive around town in a minivan without attracting attention. Why? Because a minivan is a womb on wheels. No single guy in his right mind wants a piece of that action. In my “Single Girl looking for Mr. Right” days, there was no way in hell I was going to contaminate myself with this male repellent.

Fast forward fifteen years later to the arrival of child number one. And the bulky car seat. And the stroller.  And all that other baby stuff that new mothers feel compelled to lug around in case of an emergency. I remember driving my minivan for the first time. Disturbing thoughts filtered through my mind. Wow, this thing has a smooth ride. Hey, look! The seats fold flat! Look at all that storage! I could fit a house in here! My late thirty-something, sleep-deprived mom brain fell in love with the minivan and never looked back.  Yep. Cosmic retribution at its finest.

I never thought that I’d burn water in the kitchen.

Back in college, a friend tried to make pasta and ended up burning the water. Water. The girl burned water. Who does that? How is that even possible? As we rushed around her apartment, opening windows to let out the smoke and trying to figure out how to turn off the fire alarm, I wondered how she could have been so careless. How hard is it to pay attention to whatever you’re doing in the kitchen? This is why kitchen accidents happen. Because people don’t pay attention.

Karma smacked me on this one late last year. It was a rare day. The floor wasn’t crunchy and I looked human, so I decided to live dangerously and invite a visitor over to the house. Instead of offering my guest a refreshing cup of air, I put the kettle on for tea. It was all very Downton Abbey-ish. I did NOT set the timer because I didn’t want to look like a moron in front of company. I don’t need a timer, I thought. I’ll hear the charming whistle of the tea kettle when the water is done boiling. How delightful.

Fifty minutes, two tantrums, two dirty diapers and two dirty pull-ups later, I thought I smelled smoke. The fire alarm started beeping as I ran into the kitchen. There was smoke. Amid the chaos of my squawking children, I had forgotten about tea time. The kettle was still sitting on the red hot burner. All of the water had evaporated. The bottom of the kettle had melted and fused to the burner. I turned off the stove top and tried to unsuccessfully pry the kettle from the burner. So much for tea time.

I never thought I could love so many people so much.

This is admittedly sappy, so bear with me. I didn’t realize how much I could love someone until I met my husband. That love grew to amazing proportions when I had my son. But when I was expecting my daughter, I was actually worried. I didn’t think I could love another child as much as I loved my son. Maybe it was the raging hormones, but I had this bizarre notion that love was like a pie. A fixed pie with a limited number of slices. No more slices for you, second child. The pie is baked, the crust is done and I’m all out of love.

Or maybe I was just thinking about pie. I’m not sure. Well, whatever was floating through my mommy brain changed the first time I held my daughter. As I fell head over heels in love with my baby girl, Karma laughed at me. Silly, sleep-deprived mommy. Such a ridiculous thing to worry about. The first time I saw the two of my children together in the same room, my heart swelled with the realization that love grows. All thoughts of limited pie supply vanished. Well, not all thoughts.

Now that I want some pie, I’ll stop here.  This concludes my PSA about Karma.  She still laughs at me, but I’m okay with it.  I just do a headcount and a pie check before we leave the parking lot at the grocery store.

MY COMMENTS:  

Well, I’m not too surprised about this one.  Seven days have passed since I submitted this (my third) article to Scary Mommy and  “all is quiet on the Western Front.”   I’m assuming that since their turnaround time is 7 days and I haven’t heard back from them yet, this article was rejected.

After what happened at the grocery store a few weeks ago, I finally felt compelled to write about some of the major ways having children has changed me.  I’m still amazed that I could have done what I describe in beginning of this essay.  Truthfully, these days, I should be amazed that I still remember what happened.  If time travel were possible, I suspect that “Before Children” Taara would slap “After Children” Taara if she could see some of the stuff I do today.

As always, any constructive feedback is welcome.  Thank you for taking the time to read this!